Marriage in Modern Times

 

 

 

  Marriage in Modern Times

The traditional concept of marriage is not in conformity with the modern idea of marriage. Bertrand Russell, one of the great philosophers of all time, in his book Marriage and Morals questioned the Victorian notions of morality regarding sex and marriage. He said: “Love can flourish only as long as it is free and spontaneous;it tends to be killed by the thought of duty…Love is the principal means of escape from the loneliness which afflicts most men and women throughout the greater part of their lives”.                                                                   

The Khap Panchayats of Jat community, predominant in Rajasthan, Haryana and Western Uttar Pradesh, do not approve inter-caste marriages. They issue diktats and enforce “honour killing”- the murder of a member of a family, due to the perpetrators' belief that the victim has brought shame or dishonour upon the family, by going against its norms regarding marriage. As per the Law Commissioner Report, 2012, the honour killings are "the incidents of violence and harassment caused to a young couple intending to marry or having married against the wishes of the community or family members”. The honour killings are not confined to the Northern States alone, they are found in other States, including the Southern States of Tamil Nadu and Telangana.

On November 28, 2020, the Yogi Adityanath government in Uttar Pradesh has promulgated an Ordinance- Uttar Pradesh Prohibition of Unlawful Religious Conversion Ordinance-,  popularly referred to as the 'love jihad law', making non-billable with 10 years of jail for conversion "done through misrepresentation, force, undue influence, coercion, allurement, fraudulent means" or solely for marriage.  Following the Ordinance, innocent people belong to Muslim community are arrested, even applying it to the couples married prior to its promulgamation.  It is used by Hindu extremist organisations like Bajrang Dal to oppose inter-faith marriages between consenting adults.  The other BJP ruled states- Madhya Pradesh, Haryana, Karnataka and Assam- are mulling laws designed to prevent "forcible conversions" through marriage.

It is alleged the ‘love Jihad’ is an  Islamophobic conspiracy to target Hindu women for conversion to Islam by feigning love. The movement has been described by some, including Professor Inderpal Grewal,Yale University, as anti-feminist due to paternalistic attitudes towards women's choice in marriage and by using  women's rights as a cover for Hindu nationalism. The ‘love jihad’ in politics has been closely tied to Hindu nationalism. The anti-Islamic stances of many right wing hindutva organisations such as  Vishwa Hindu Parishad  and Bajrang Dal are hostile to inter-religious marriage and religious pluralism, often resulting in mob violence, and creating panic, fear and a sense of insecurity in the Muslim community. These ‘anti-love jihad’ legislations will not stand the scrutiny of courts,as they violate the constitution.

During the freedom movement, our freedom fighters encouraged inter-caste and inter-religious marriages to promote national unity and integrity and to curb social evils. It is ironical that, instead of these marriages being encouraged, what we see today is more rigid enforcing of caste and religious barriers when it comes to marriages.  About 10 percent of marriages in India take place between different castes, while 2.1 percent are inter-religious. The caste system and religious discrimination are a bane on the path of India's progress.

The Institution of marriage must change with modern times.   Why should caste or religion come in the way of marriage of young couples?  They should have freedom to decide whom they want to marry. Marriage is made to look more regressive than receptive. On the one hand, the boys and girls are encouraged to pursue higher studies and make their own careers, and, on the other, the girls are prevented from falling in love and getting married against their parents wish.  This is an inherent contradiction in our social order.  Most of the parents still prefer boys to girls, resulting in rise in the mortality rate of girls. We have a screwed sex ratio. The SRS Report 2018 shows that sex ratio at birth in India, declined from 906 in 2011 to 899 in 2018. And because of unreasonable restrictions and demands of patriarchal society, many educated and working women are opting out of marriage, prefering to remain single.  Even in countries like China and Japan, a large number of educated working women are disinclined to enter into matrimonial alliance that reinforces the male chauvinism.

As the Historian Aparna Vaidik, Ashoka University, says “the idea of ‘love jihad’ is not simply about the Hindu-Muslim divide but is intrinsically tied to Indian caste system.At the heart of the ‘love jihad’ is the upper-caste Hindu man’s fear of the lustful Dalit or Muslim man who is supposedly after the Hindu woman”. The Hindus fear of losing their women and their numerical strength to the conversion of the lower castes to Islam.  But what they fail to realise is that if the lower caste women are getting married to Muslim men, it is because of social ostracisation by the caste Hindus. Why should the upper- caste Hindus bother if they the lower caste women get married to Muslim men, and even convert to Islam, to escape from the social degradation? Look around how the dalit women are raped and murdered!  

A glimpse into the recent history of 19th and 20th centuries would reveal how the great social reformists Mahatma Phule and Savitribai Phule were socially ostracised and ill-treated by the Brahman community.  Bhimrao (Ambedkar) had the most humiliating treatment in his school. Ambedkar spoke of annihilation of the caste system, and ultimately converted to Buddhism, along with lakhs of his followers before his death in 1956, renouncing Hinduism into which he was born. That Mahatma Phule and Ambedkar are now appropriated by the political establishment is altogether a different story.

While there should be no bar for young couples getting married, outside their caste and religion, it is important for them not to convert to the either faith.  If a young couple falls in love, understand each other and enter into matrimonial alliance, they must respect their individual identities, giving space to each other, not impose one’s way of life on the other, and live as they are, equals in every aspect. Why should the marriage result in conversion of a woman to man’s religion and vice versa, resulting in loss of independence and identity? That a newly married woman is setting her own family; doesn’t mean she surrenders her freedom and identity. Modern educated and working women are not expected to conform to the oppressive norms of a patriarchy. And the inter-caste and the inter-faith married couples are supposed to be model of being liberated from the prejudices of caste, religion and gender; and inspiration to fight against the social evils of dowry system, gender discrimination and violence against women.

To quote Russell again, “those who have never known the deep intimacy and the intense companionship of happy mutual love have missed the best thing that life has to give; unconsciously, if not consciously, they feel this and the resulting disappointment inclines them towards envy,  oppression, and cruelty.” The Indian society is a long way to go to reform itself and establish a just social order. It is the modern educated women who should lead from the front to bring about the change in the status of women in society, as Savitribai Phule- the first woman teacher and the first Indian feminist- coming from an under privileged background, led  to emancipate women in 19^th century, defying all odds.